Mum said she did not understand why I wanted to move out so much and why I hated her. I said, "no I don't hate you. It's not your problem but mine. It's me who's taking you too seriously and that is stressful. All I need is space and freedom." Mum said she did not do anything to pressurise me. And blah blah blah.

I said I needed some space and time to sort myself out. Blah blah blah. Blah blah blah.
Yes I start to realise that it is indeed my problem. I blame mum for my own incompetence and cowardness. I blame her for bringing me to the world without my consent and without telling me what to do and why. I blame her for imprisoning and suffocating me. I blame her for what I am and what I am not. But actually, as Serina pointed out, it's me who set myself the boundaries. The problem as well as the solution are within myself and nowhere else.

On one hand I yearn for freedom. I try to stay away from my mum. I rebel. I blame. I complain. On the other hand I am frightened. I wish to have some guidance in the very wide space before me. I wish to have blessings from my parents despite (I think) my path is not ideal in their eyes. I am not sure how to reconcile such conflict. Yet.