To be honest, I have always been furious and depressed. I thought I deserve better. I live everyday with the deepest part of my heart denying that this is my life. I thought I could be something bigger, someone happier. Yet here I am. A broke mid-aged fat abandoned woman with no accomplishment in anything. A loser or at most a nobody. A prisoner of the society's meaningless values and rules. A rebellion who shamelessly pretends to be a conformist in order to live. A conformist who cheats herself that she is a free soul so that she could feel better about herself. Lost. Lonely. Grumpy. I have nothing to look forward to. I don't see any meaning for any organism to be alive. Sometimes I wish everything could just come to an end asap. I truly do.