Some may think my problem is simply that I can't get over my ex or I just need a boyfriend. ButI know that's not the answer.

My therapist Serina led me to think about lots of questions. Perhaps my inner tension stems from my very early childhood experience and plenty later family issues. Being an accident and a middle child, I've always felt very insecure about my own existence. So I perform. I work hard to impress people. That makes me concern more on what I do instead of who I am. Subconsciously I believe other people, including my parents, like or love me because of my good performance - be it school results, career accomplishments, interpersonal skills, appearance or personality.

I pay all my attention to what (I think) others need and give the best of myself basically to please others. I want to appear cheerful, strong, positive, passionate, brave, sociable, smart, pretty, loving, caring, humorous and easygoing. I keep to myself all the tears, doubts, weakness, vulnerable-ness , sadness, laziness, dumbness, selfishness, fear, arrogance, shame and anger. It's not easy. And maybe now it's time to let them out.