Relationship. Trust. Fear.

I realize, as u said, i tend to sabotage my relationship and happiness with him n i know I hv to STOP it. perhaps i hv a problem with avoidant insecure attachment. i try to run away and maintain a distance when he gets too close at deep personal like soul level. perhaps things r going too fast.

But u like him right?

A lot. too much.

U two are in love, are dating. There is really nothing wrng to be so very in love. And its actually very good. Cos u cant find this feeling often. And its not gonna stay for long honestly. We all know that, we get used to our partner at a point.

Let me put it this way. i m afraid to lose myself again, just like i did. bcos of this (perhaps unreasonable) fear, i build a wall in panic, which is not conducive to the relationship.

U could have set that wall too high. To yourself, and your relationship. Honestly, u were just very in love sometimes, but ive never really seen u lose yourself. U are just being harsh to yourself. U hv been very conscious at all times. And sometime too conscious, as we always do. Just say, A. U just pull yourself out as if he is a bad cell in your body. Even u were in love. How could u say u have ever lose yourself?

Yes i m trying hard (too hard) to protect myself. that's cancer perhaps. that's u & me. we know we r brave yet vulnerable.

But u are doing well. And i think this is healthy relationship. U two took quite a long time to know each other, think of the relationship before commitment, u should trust his and your decision.

Trust is an issue.

Trust in a relationship takes time, and of course we both know it could be destroyed in no time. But the trust to start it, u both had it. Then we should be responsible for the relationship, and do good to it. It took me a lot of courage and energy. Honestly, if u put effort, and in love so much, then it doesn’t work out all that well. Still better then u destroy it because u are too i love and scare of it, isn’t it?

True. Hv to remind myself to take it easy!

It's hard. We are emotional cos we are super sensitive.

 

I bet he is too. i hope i hv not done anythg that might have hurt him.

 

Yes just follow your heart. If u love, go ahead. We only live once. and u have never, and won’t lose yourself. We are not that self destroy kind of person. If it goes wrong u would quit. Or most likely u would quit before it heads to that direction.

 

Pls remind me of that.